Repentance and Kids
Doug
We can’t force repentance upon our kids. And yet we try, don’t we? When our children disobey, we tell them to, “Say your sorry.” And when they reluctantly say it, we tell him, “Say it like you mean it!!” It’s as if we think that raising our voices will bring them to a place of genuine repentance. But usually this approach only leaves them more angry and frustrated.
Now, I’m not advocating a passive, permissive style of parenting. I’m just questioning my own rationale for how I lead my children to sincere repentance of their sin. You see, I can get my kids to say their sorry and manipulate them into feeling bad about what they’ve done, but I can’t force them to genuinely repent of their sin. That’s God’s work. And he does it in a most unexpected way.
Romans 2:4 says, ”… God’s kindness is meant to lead us to repentance …”. Isn’t that a fascinating phrase? I think it’s a world-view changer when it comes to parenting. It tells us that repentance is the right response to a good and kind God. God’s kindness is being poured out to us in a multitude of ways at this very moment. This kindness is meant to awaken us to our sin so that we would repent and come to him for mercy. This verse reveals the heart of God for rebellious sinners like you and me. And it reveals the heart of parenting as well.
If we want our kids to come to a place of genuine repentance over their sin, we must show them the beauty of God’s kindness in the gospel. We must have a grace-centered home. That doesn’t mean we shy away from disciplining them. We must show them their sin and their inability to live up to the law. But they need more than just discipline to repent and obey. They need God’s kindness. They need the gospel. So, if you’re trying to force repentance and obedience upon your kids, take a few minutes and repent and ask God to change your heart first … then dive into the kindness of God in the gospel, and be parented and parent in grace.
Written by Doug Wolter - Visit Website
August 18th, 2010 at 4:59 am
A successful parent is one that guides, one that shows but doesn’t tell. If you are constantly pulling a child to the “I’m Sorry” ending, then later on they won’t be able to get there by themselves. Instead of telling them they should be sorry, show them through real-life examples. That could include stories of yourself as a child and passages from the Bible as well as any other example you can come up with. Children are not born with their behaviors, they learn to imitate them. So a successful parent is one who sets a good example for their child.
August 18th, 2010 at 8:43 am
Mary-Kate, thanks for writing in! I appreciate your thoughts and plan to check out your website. I agree that much of parenting is modeling. If we don’t live it out for our kids to see, they will not understand it, nor will they imitate it. But wouldn’t you agree that we need both imitation and instruction?
You said a “successful parent is one that guides and shows but doesn’t tell.” Yet the Bible says we need to show AND tell. Take 2 Tim. 3:14-17 for example. Verse 14 is all about modeling the gospel and verse 15 is all about teaching the gospel to our children. (14)”But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, (15)and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through Jesus Christ.”
Also, you said, “a child is not born with their behaviors, they learn to imitate them.” But wouldn’t you agree that a child is born with a sinful heart so that out of that heart they behave in selfish ways until Christ saves them and gives them a new heart which produces new behaviors?
Yes, imitation is important. I fully agree. But we must teach them the gospel and pray for God to do the work we can’t do to change their hearts, and in so by doing change their behaviors.
Thoughts?
September 8th, 2010 at 7:04 am
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