Life2gether



Sam Luce with an interesting theory on helping your little ones to let go:

I may not be a doctor of anything but I have a theory. I have been reluctant to throw this out there but now after we have had our third kid I am fairly certain that it’s a fact. The amount of time you spend playing peek-a-boo translates into your child’s ability to be ok with you dropping them off in the care of others. Because even though they can’t see you they know that you always come back. We tell our kids we will come back but young kids deal in concrete not abstract thought so if you can show them that you will be back by hiding your face then popping out again you demonstrate that even when you can’t see me I am nearby and you will see me soon. They can trust you.

I am not sure if this helps the parents with the letting go part when their kids get older but it may. I do however know many two year old teachers that would benefit from this theory of mine.

As a parent dropping my oldest off at kindergarten I think I am starting the processes of peek-a-boo where I can let my boy go and know that he will come back. It’s not easy but few things are easy when it comes to parenting. Our job is to equip, train, release. I have to prepare my kids to be everything God created them to be and not selfishly hold them back because they fill a gap in my life.

This is a good word from J.C. Ryle (one of my favorite dead pastors):

Our Lord experienced everything that belongs to man’s nature – except only sin. As man He was born an infant. As man He grew from infancy to boyhood. As man He yearly increased in bodily strength and mental power, during His passage from boyhood to adulthood. Of all the sinless conditions of man’s body – its feebleness as a child, its growth, its regular progress to maturity – He was in the fullest sense a human being. We must rest satisfied with knowing this. To pry beyond is useless. To know this clearly is of much importance. An absence of settled knowledge of it has led to many wild heresies.

One comforting, practical lesson stands out, something we should never overlook. Our Lord is able to sympathize with humanity in every stage, from the cradle to the grave. He knows by experience the nature and temperament of the child and the youth and the adult. He has stood in their place. He has occupied their position. He knows their hearts. Let us never forget this in dealing with young people concerning their souls. Let us tell them confidently that there is One in heaven at the right hand of God who is exactly suited to be their Friend. He who died on the cross was once a youth Himself and feels a special interest in youth, as well as in adults.

Adapted from The Gospel of Luke by J.C. Ryle (Chapter 2).

Kids love their pets.  So when they die the question eventually comes, “Will I see my pet in heaven?”  Instead of passing it off as a stupid or trivial question, my friend, Eric Schumacher, seeks to answer it (and other questions below) in a recent sermon.  You can listen to it here.

1. What is the nature and purpose of animals in creation?
2. What is the relationship between animals and man?
3. Why do animals suffer and die?
4. Will animals be redeemed?
5. Will particular pets be recreated?
6. What is the root of this question, and where should we go with it?

• Randy Alcorn answered this question here …
• I recommend his book, Heaven for Kids, as well

We can’t force repentance upon our kids.  And yet we try, don’t we?  When our children disobey, we tell them to, “Say your sorry.” And when they reluctantly say it, we tell him, “Say it like you mean it!!”  It’s as if we think that raising our voices will bring them to a place of genuine repentance.  But usually this approach only leaves them more angry and frustrated. 

Now, I’m not advocating a passive, permissive style of parenting.  I’m just questioning my own rationale for how I lead my children to sincere repentance of their sin.  You see, I can get my kids to say their sorry and manipulate them into feeling bad about what they’ve done, but I can’t force them to genuinely repent of their sin.  That’s God’s work.  And he does it in a most unexpected way.

Romans 2:4 says, ”… God’s kindness is meant to lead us to repentance …”.  Isn’t that a fascinating phrase?  I think it’s a world-view changer when it comes to parenting.  It tells us that repentance is the right response to a good and kind God.  God’s kindness is being poured out to us in a multitude of ways at this very moment.  This kindness is meant to awaken us to our sin so that we would repent and come to him for mercy.  This verse reveals the heart of God for rebellious sinners like you and me.  And it reveals the heart of parenting as well.

If we want our kids to come to a place of genuine repentance over their sin, we must show them the beauty of God’s kindness in the gospel.  We must have a grace-centered home.  That doesn’t mean we shy away from disciplining them.  We must show them their sin and their inability to live up to the law.  But they need more than just discipline to repent and obey.  They need God’s kindness.  They need the gospel.  So, if you’re trying to force repentance and obedience upon your kids, take a few minutes and repent and ask God to change your heart first … then dive into the kindness of God in the gospel, and be parented and parent in grace.

I’ve been slowly making my way through Dr. Dobson’s book, Bringing Up Girls.  In his chapter on why daddies matter, he offers a few ideas for dads about forging meaningful connections with their daughters.  As a father of 2 young girls, it was a good reminder for me.

1. Conversation

Talk to them about what is of interest.  Ask questions and then listen carefully to what is said…meaningful and affectionate dialogue with a daughter is evidence that she is worthy, secure and loved.

2. Touch

Just like thier mothers, our daughters need to be hugged regularly, perhaps every day.  Hugging is easy to do when girls are young and they see their daddies as champions and best buddies.

3. One-on-One Time

[One-on-One Time] is an excellent way to knock down barriers and build bridges.  Take your daughter somewhere she will like, such as out to breakfast or dinner.  It doesn’t have to be a big deal.  Just make it a quiet time together when the two of you can sit and talk.

These ideas seem so simple and intuitive, but us dads need to be reminded to do it!  I like how Dobson concludes this section:

Never forget that girls are made out of the same stuff their mothers are.

How true.  Being a good daddy to my girls starts with being a good husband to my wife!

Giving Video Series – #2 from The Summit Church on Vimeo.

I need to start doing this with my kids.  What a simple way to teach and model what it means to be a good steward of the money God’s given us.

(HT: Zach Nielsen)

Recently I started a discipleship (pilot) program for kids and parents called Next Steps.  The purpose of Next Steps is to assist parents in guiding their children through the first steps of faith.  As a pastor I want to join with parents in what God is doing in the hearts of their children.  With that in mind, I’ve developed a simple discipleship plan as a way of intentionally teaching children the basic biblical truths to stand on as they step forward in their faith.  Each “step” is intended to guide children on their journey with Jesus by applying these truths to their lives so that one day they will step into adulthood firm in their faith. 

Here are the 5 S.T.E.P.S.:

Salvation: Can I Be Sure That I’m Saved?

            1.  Wrong ways/Right ways to know you are saved

            2.  What to do when you have doubts

            3.  Salvation & Sanctification: Trusting Jesus & Becoming More Like Jesus

Time with God: The Basics of Bible Study

             1.  What is the main point of the Bible?  Why should I study the Bible? 

             2.   How to study the Bible on my own

             3.   Making a plan to study my Bible

Evangelism: Telling Others About Jesus

             1.  What is the gospel?

             2.  How can I share my faith?  -  Tools to help

             3.  Becoming a Christian on mission with Christ

Prayer: Talking to God

             1.  What is prayer and why should I pray?

             2.  How do I pray?

             3.  Will God answer my prayers?

Service & Fellowship: Why We Need Each Other

             1.  What is perseverance?  What is fellowship?  How do they relate?

             2.  Choosing my friends wisely

             3.  Using my gifts to serve others

How this Works:

I meet with both the child and the parent(s) for about 30 minutes to talk and discuss the first step.  Then I give the child some homework that includes a short devotion and fun reinforcement activity they can do together as a family.  A couple weeks later we meet again and review the first step and go on to the next.  This process is intended to target the child, but all the while I’m giving the parent tools they can take with them to disciple their children at home with just a little help from me.  I hope to develop this into a full-fledged curriculum some day.

As we think about all the types of people we preach to on Sundays, don’t forget the children.  They may be the biggest group of unreached people in your church…and I guarantee when you get on their level, the adults will be tracking right there with you. 

Spurgeon once said:

…He is no preacher who does not care for the children.  There should be at least a part of every sermon and service that will suit the little ones.  It is an error which permits us to forget this.

~ Charles Spurgeon, Spiritual Parenting, 15.

In his follow up post to 5 Dangers Facing Over-Churched Kids, Tony Kummer gives 9 strategies for reaching them. Here they are:

1. Empower them to teach
2. Teach for heart change
3. Use creative story-telling
4. Pray for every child
5. Teach the bad news
6. Model repentance
7. Make it relevant
8. Go deeper
9. Get them on mission

See how he fleshes each of these points out here … I think point #6 is particularly important and I’ll copy what he says about it below:

Model Repentance: With over-churched kids, we can’t pretend that Christians are always the good guys. They see behind our Sunday morning smiles and know that we’re not perfect people. When we are honest about our failings, and confess our sins, it points them to the Gospel. When teaching, use examples of Christian repentance and be transparent about your own struggles. This is a key to parenting, but it’s also a great strategy for kids ministry.