Life2gether

I just came across a new blog by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof called Orange Parents.  The picture below explains the orange concept.  My buddy, Lisle Drury, and I attended the Orange Conference last year and it helped to spur us on to begin a new ministry to families called, S.E.E.D.S.  Though the gospel is not always put to the forefront of the 252 curriculum produced by these “Orange Leaders,” there is much good to be gathered from their intentional focus on bringing the church and home together.  So I encourage you to bookmark this parenting blog.

This is a good word from J.C. Ryle (one of my favorite dead pastors):

Our Lord experienced everything that belongs to man’s nature – except only sin. As man He was born an infant. As man He grew from infancy to boyhood. As man He yearly increased in bodily strength and mental power, during His passage from boyhood to adulthood. Of all the sinless conditions of man’s body – its feebleness as a child, its growth, its regular progress to maturity – He was in the fullest sense a human being. We must rest satisfied with knowing this. To pry beyond is useless. To know this clearly is of much importance. An absence of settled knowledge of it has led to many wild heresies.

One comforting, practical lesson stands out, something we should never overlook. Our Lord is able to sympathize with humanity in every stage, from the cradle to the grave. He knows by experience the nature and temperament of the child and the youth and the adult. He has stood in their place. He has occupied their position. He knows their hearts. Let us never forget this in dealing with young people concerning their souls. Let us tell them confidently that there is One in heaven at the right hand of God who is exactly suited to be their Friend. He who died on the cross was once a youth Himself and feels a special interest in youth, as well as in adults.

Adapted from The Gospel of Luke by J.C. Ryle (Chapter 2).

Family Worship at PCPC from PCPC Video on Vimeo.

(HT: Jared Kennedy)

About a year ago, I interviewed my friend, Jonathan Dodson, about his book, Fight Clubs: Gospel-Centered Discipleship.  Since then he’s started a website with resources for you to learn more about how you can start gospel-centered accountability groups in your church.  Recently, he spoke at Brent Thomas’ church (another friend of mine) about this topic.

He reminds us to 1) Know our Sin, 2) Fight our Sin and 3) Trust our Savior.  I encourage you to listen.

Other resources you may be interested in:

Starting Fight Clubs:

• How to Start Fight Clubs
• How Fight Clubs Work
• How to Promote Fight Clubs
• What other Churches are using Fight Clubs?

I wasn’t able to attend this year’s Connecting Church and Home Conference here in Louisville, Kentucky.  But Tony Kummer took some great notes on the conference if you’re interested.  The audio messages should be available at the conference website soon.  You also might be interested in downloading this free conference program given to the attendees.

We can’t force repentance upon our kids.  And yet we try, don’t we?  When our children disobey, we tell them to, “Say your sorry.” And when they reluctantly say it, we tell him, “Say it like you mean it!!”  It’s as if we think that raising our voices will bring them to a place of genuine repentance.  But usually this approach only leaves them more angry and frustrated. 

Now, I’m not advocating a passive, permissive style of parenting.  I’m just questioning my own rationale for how I lead my children to sincere repentance of their sin.  You see, I can get my kids to say their sorry and manipulate them into feeling bad about what they’ve done, but I can’t force them to genuinely repent of their sin.  That’s God’s work.  And he does it in a most unexpected way.

Romans 2:4 says, ”… God’s kindness is meant to lead us to repentance …”.  Isn’t that a fascinating phrase?  I think it’s a world-view changer when it comes to parenting.  It tells us that repentance is the right response to a good and kind God.  God’s kindness is being poured out to us in a multitude of ways at this very moment.  This kindness is meant to awaken us to our sin so that we would repent and come to him for mercy.  This verse reveals the heart of God for rebellious sinners like you and me.  And it reveals the heart of parenting as well.

If we want our kids to come to a place of genuine repentance over their sin, we must show them the beauty of God’s kindness in the gospel.  We must have a grace-centered home.  That doesn’t mean we shy away from disciplining them.  We must show them their sin and their inability to live up to the law.  But they need more than just discipline to repent and obey.  They need God’s kindness.  They need the gospel.  So, if you’re trying to force repentance and obedience upon your kids, take a few minutes and repent and ask God to change your heart first … then dive into the kindness of God in the gospel, and be parented and parent in grace.

Jonathan Dodson was recently interviewed by Joe Thorn on the topic of discipleship.  Here’s one excerpt from the interview:

What is the biggest mistake the church is making when working to make disciples?

I can’t answer that question definitively. However, the dearth of suffering, the absence of hope, the trivialization of the Spirit, and the lack of mission among disciples of Jesus is terribly concerning. We have tried to minimize suffering through convenience, eliminate hope through self-made retirement, reduce Jesus to redeemer of the past, and surrendered any sense of discipleship as a call to die to ourselves that others may live. Instead, discipleship has been reduced to having a good marriage, handling finances well, raising good children, securing a future, and knowing your Bible. Our mission is very different than Jesus’ mission, our lives very different than Jesus’ life. This should scare us.

Recently I started a discipleship (pilot) program for kids and parents called Next Steps.  The purpose of Next Steps is to assist parents in guiding their children through the first steps of faith.  As a pastor I want to join with parents in what God is doing in the hearts of their children.  With that in mind, I’ve developed a simple discipleship plan as a way of intentionally teaching children the basic biblical truths to stand on as they step forward in their faith.  Each “step” is intended to guide children on their journey with Jesus by applying these truths to their lives so that one day they will step into adulthood firm in their faith. 

Here are the 5 S.T.E.P.S.:

Salvation: Can I Be Sure That I’m Saved?

            1.  Wrong ways/Right ways to know you are saved

            2.  What to do when you have doubts

            3.  Salvation & Sanctification: Trusting Jesus & Becoming More Like Jesus

Time with God: The Basics of Bible Study

             1.  What is the main point of the Bible?  Why should I study the Bible? 

             2.   How to study the Bible on my own

             3.   Making a plan to study my Bible

Evangelism: Telling Others About Jesus

             1.  What is the gospel?

             2.  How can I share my faith?  -  Tools to help

             3.  Becoming a Christian on mission with Christ

Prayer: Talking to God

             1.  What is prayer and why should I pray?

             2.  How do I pray?

             3.  Will God answer my prayers?

Service & Fellowship: Why We Need Each Other

             1.  What is perseverance?  What is fellowship?  How do they relate?

             2.  Choosing my friends wisely

             3.  Using my gifts to serve others

How this Works:

I meet with both the child and the parent(s) for about 30 minutes to talk and discuss the first step.  Then I give the child some homework that includes a short devotion and fun reinforcement activity they can do together as a family.  A couple weeks later we meet again and review the first step and go on to the next.  This process is intended to target the child, but all the while I’m giving the parent tools they can take with them to disciple their children at home with just a little help from me.  I hope to develop this into a full-fledged curriculum some day.

This made me think of Bonhoeffer’s quote below (Hat Tip to Zach Nielsen):

‘Nothing can be more cruel than that leniency which abandons others to their sin. Nothing can be more compassionate than that severe reprimand which calls another Christian in one’s community back from the path of sin.’ (105)

- Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Faith in Community.

Not too long ago, I preached on Nathan’s confrontation with David in 2 Sam. 12 here.  It was a hard sermon to preach.

Tony Kummer with a thought-provoking post describing the spiritual dangers over-churched kids can face:

1. Familiar Stories Lose Their Power: When kids hear the same Bible stories year-after-year they can become a little boring. Even worse – these stories are often told without imagination or any listener interaction. Most over-churched kids have heard the same 100+ Bible stories since they were in the Toddler Sunday School. They no longer connect with the characters or feel moved by the plot resolution. Once I was told by a seminary professor, “ It is a sin to make the Bible boring.” I’m starting to think he was right.

2. Knowledge Can Promote Pride: Something happens inside of us when we become the expert. Children feel that same sense of superiority when they have more religious knowledge than their peers. Too often over-churched kids build their identity around that achievement, even when it doesn’t involve a growing relationship with Christ.

3. They Have Learned to Pretend Pray: A real struggle for grown-ups is connecting with God through prayer. Too often it becomes routine and dry. Most younger children learn prayer as an act of imitation. Many don’t even realize that something cosmic is happening when we address our words to God. They don’t feel the presence of God or even expect that they should.

4. They Don’t Feel Their Lostness: Many over-churched kids don’t know what life is like without the comforts of faith. Their brain say ‘forgiveness’ before their heart feels ‘I’m sorry.’ Because they know about grace, they have never really struggled much with guilt.

5. The Ugly Side of Church: Kids who hang around Christians know the yucky side of the church. They hear the complaining. They know Jesus didn’t fix daddy’s temper yet. They know that church is not always the safest place in their lives. Beyond all this they notice when adults are being fake or doing religious role play.

Read the entire post here …