Couples, I encourage you to block off some time together this weekend to reflect on this past year and talk, pray and dream about the coming year. My wife and I spent some time last night going through these series of questions below – written by Justin Buzzard. It was a sweet time together and it helped us feel united and focused on the year ahead.
Remembering 2010
What one word best sums up and describes your 2010 experience?
What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2010?
What was the most loving service you performed in 2010?
What are you most happy about completing in 2010?
Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2010?
Looking Forward to 2011
What advice would you like to give yourself in 2011?
What are you looking forward to learning in 2011?
What do you think your biggest risk will be in 2011?
Who or what are you most committed to loving and serving in 2011?
What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2011?
I’m really excited for this ministry of Family Life. My wife and I attended the Weekend to Remember marriage conference a few years ago and were incredibly blessed. Starting in November 2010, you will be able to search for The Art of Marriage locations in your community. Make sure to check out the website for more information and updates on this new video-based, one-and-a-half day marriage event built on the same biblically based content as the hotel Getaway.
Piper gives a great parable of how the marriage relationship starts off as a beautiful green field that we love to walk in with each other. But before long we step into cow pies (marital sins and difficulties) and they seem to be everywhere! Good counsel here on what to do with those cow pies!
I so appreciate what Justin Davis says here. I couldn’t agree more.
I lost count of how many times Trisha asked me to go to marriage counseling. We would be arguing about the same thing over and over again, and she would say, “Let’s talk to Mark and Rhonda about this.” Mark was the pastor I worked for, and I wanted Mark to think I had it all together. I didn’t want him to know how sucky of a husband I was. I didn’t want him to think I needed help. Getting marriage help was a sign of weakness not strength. Man was I wrong. Seeking marriage counseling isn’t a sign of weakness, it is a sign of humility and teach-ability. My arrogance and pride put me on the path of infidelity.
“His grace purposes to expose and free you from your bondage to you. His grace is meant to bring you to the end of yourself so that you will finally begin to place your identity, your meaning and purpose, and your inner sense of well-being in him. . . . To add to this, he designs circumstances for you that you would have never designed for yourself. All this is meant to bring you to the end of yourself, because that is where true righteousness begins. He wants you to give up. He wants you to abandon your dream. . . . He knows there is no life to be found in these things.”
Jonathan Dodson with a much needed word for men who love ministry and neglect their own family:
My first year of church planting I started a new, full-time job, a new city, a new daughter, and a new church. Guess which one got the least attention? Family. As all these new things filled our lives, they began to crowd conversation with my wife. What was once natural—inquiring about my wife’s hopes, fears, and joys—became unnatural, even absent from our conversation. She patiently continued to ask how I was doing, but I was “working for the church while my family died.”
As my wife began to wither without the invigorating love of her husband, she revealed the affair. I’ll never forget her crushing comment: “I feel like there’s a mistress in the house.” I was alarmed and frustrated. How dare she make such a comparison! After all, I made a point of being home by 5:30 and on weekends. I made sure we had good family rhythms—breakfast and devotions, dinner and downtime. How could she say there was a “mistress” in our home? Then it dawned on me—you can be home without being home. I was present but absent. My thoughts, emotions, and concerns were with another Bride while I was home, not with my bride.
My wife and I will be spending an evening with Spurgeon tonight at New Life Church in Louisville. Obviously this is not your typical date night, but we look forward to it! If you’re in the area, and able to go, it’s free and looks to be both entertaining and encouraging. See you there!
As a pastor or church leader, how do you balance family and ministry? Which comes first? What are the biblical responsibilities of a husband and father? And how should a wife respond to the many trying circumstances in ministry?
These and other questions are explored by Doreen Moore in Good Christians, Good Husbands? an ”inspiring and convicting account of three 18th century Christian leaders (John Wesley, George Whitefield, and Jonathan Edwards), all of whom were passionate about glorifying God by serving Him in their generation … how they balanced (or did not balance) their passion for ministry with being married is the subject of this book.”
I’m about halfway through the book, and it’s a very convicting read. If you’re a church leader who feels the weight of balancing family and ministry, you need to get this book. My friend, Dr. Tom Nettles, Professor of Historical Theology at Southern Seminary, endorses the book saying, “each reader will receive rewards in personal development far in excess of the time investing in reading.” I couldn’t agree more.
