Brian Croft gives a good reminder for pastors to take their children with them when they visit the elderly. He brings out three points:
Parenting starts with my own heart. Every attempt I make to guide and direct my child’s heart is directly connected to the state of my own heart. My words provide the greatest witness.
In the midst of a conflict with my child, I often bring my own junk to the table – my desire for comfort and control and need for appreciation and respect. All of these idols come out in these times of confrontation. And yet God has ordained these moments precisely for my sanctification!
I’m learning that parenting is not just about my kids. It’s about me. It reveals what’s inside of me. It shows me my sin and how well I really get the gospel and rely on his grace. So I need to start with an examination of my own heart. For there I will find my continual need for a Savior who promises to shepherd me as I shepherd my children.
John Bird with an interesting critique of Elyse Fitzpatrick’s new book on parenting, Give Them Grace:
If applying the gospel can be overdone, these authors do it proudly: “We’ve encouraged you to dazzle [your children] with the message of Christ’s love and welcome, and then when you think that surely they must be tiring of it, go back and drench them with it again.”
The only problem with this is that when we apply the gospel to every event in life, and especially when we use it to correct, children will tire of it. Not every moment needs to be a “teachable moment.” Do we need to bring up Jesus’ agony on the cross every time our child acts like a child?
The authors give an example of how we might apply the gospel to a child who pouts after losing a baseball game: “Yes, losing is difficult….Jesus Christ understands losing because he lost relationship with his father on the cross….He’s using this suffering in your life to make us both look up and see his love.”
Besides the superficial view of suffering in the above quote, this loose way of applying the gospel, especially when often repeated, takes the power out of the message and can weary the children. Something sadder than a child growing up never hearing the good news is a child who grows up hoping to never hear it again.
I’m curious. What are your thoughts? I encourage you to read Bird’s entire review of the book as he ends on this note:
Still, the most important things to be said about this book are that it leaves room for failure, emphasizes the superiority of the gospel over the law, and is primarily about imperfect parents glorifying a perfect God (rather than themselves or their children). These things put Give Them Grace above many other Christian parenting books.
Parents of LaGrange Baptist Church:
Do you feel the pressures of home life? Come join us for Parent Chat on Sept. 7, at 6:45 PM, as we hear how God’s grace frees us in the midst of these pressures. We’ll have an assortment of desserts and coffee as Pastor Tony leads us. If you have a child in SEEDS (1st – 6th grade) we encourage you to start the evening with your child in the SEEDS room and we’ll dismiss you to Parent Chat at 6:45. Mark your calendars. Invite your friends!
Here’s a simple outline to follow in balancing the law and the gospel in our parenting:
Step 1: Give them God’s Law – You must do it.
For example, let’s say your daughter whines and refuses to help serve you in the kitchen because she’d rather watch T.V. You come to her and say, “You need to stop whining and obey your daddy by serving cheerfully right now. You must do it.”
Step 2: Remind them they’re sinners – You can’t do it.
Your daughter looks away from you and whines even louder, “I don’t want to.” So, you tell her, “I know that you don’t want to and I also know that you can’t serve cheerfully and think of others first on your own. You’re just like me, you’re a sinner. You can’t do it.”
Step 3: Point them to Christ – He has done it.
Your daughter gives you a strange look. So you sit down beside her and say, “You know what, I’m so glad that God has mercy on sinners like you and me. That’s why he sent Jesus. Jesus lived a perfect life and died on the cross in our place to take our sin and give us his righteousness if we would simply trust in him. Jesus never whined and always obeyed his Father cheerfully. He has done it.”
Step 4: Tell them as believers – In Christ you can do it.
Finally, you look at your daughter and tell her that as believers in Christ we have been made new. We are clothed in his goodness because of his grace. Therefore, we have a heart that wants to serve and think of others first. It’s in us by the power of the Holy Spirit. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. In Christ you can do it.
Realistically, you won’t be able to delve into this deep of discussion every time, but this is the heart (and basic outline) behind how to approach these situations. Note: If you’re child is not yet a believer in Christ, the Last Step is an opportunity to help him or her respond to God’s grace offered to them in Christ – pointing them away from their performance to Christ’s performance on their behalf. Remind them that Christ took our filthy rags, he took our failed test of obedience, and in exchange he gave us his white robe of goodness and his perfect score of obedience. We receive it all by faith in what Christ has done for us, not what we must do for him.
If you’re a dad and you have a daughter, you gotta watch this. But grab the box of Kleenex first.
(HT: Z)
Walt Mueller’s new book, 99 Thoughts for Parents of Teenagers, looks to be a helpful guide for parents of teens and those who work with this age group.
I appreciate Mueller’s honesty as he gives the reason for writing this little book:
Once upon a time, I was the perfect parent—and then I got married and had kids. As time went on and our kids grew, I learned more and more about the realities of being a parent. I also realized how much I didn’t know. I know I’m not alone. It’s out of these realizations, my 27 years of experience as a parent of four kids (15 of those years spent parenting teenagers), and my years of work with parents and teenagers through the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (cpyu .org) that this little book has been birthed.
Click here to download an excerpt.
The family ministry movement in our day is an awakening for sure. I believe it is a gracious move of God in our country to bring us back to His way of living. We, as churches, should implement effective strategies to equip families and minister to them in their brokenness. Never should this effort become an obstacle or an idol that hinders the Gospel. Family ministry done well will propagate the Gospel throughout the generations and it will reach out to hurting and broken people at their deepest point of need. Give people the Gospel they are crying out for and use family ministry as one strategy to do just that.
Most of what we pass on to our kids happens in the unplanned moments of life. Yes, we need to make it a priority to sit down and intentionally teach our children the Bible at their level. But most of our “teaching” happens in the normal routines of life where we react to different situations that come our way. It’s these teachable moments that give us the greatest opportunity to talk about God and point our children to the gospel.
Over the years, I’ve discovered that these moments have a way of revealing what I really believe about the gospel. Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks! I’ve found that God is parenting me as I parent my kids. He’s teaching me patience as I teach my kids to be patient. He’s teaching me to stop whining as I try to stop my kids from whining. You get the picture. With that in mind, here’s a list of some “teachable moments” and how I dealt with them as an imperfect parent clinging to a perfect Christ.
I got home late last night and my oldest daughter was still awake. She’s been having trouble sleeping at night and honestly, it’s been pretty frustrating. But she was waiting up for me and just had to tell me something. Thankfully, God gave me patience to listen. She said that her little brother couldn’t fall asleep and so she laid in bed with him for awhile. She told him that she understood how hard it is to go to sleep and what she does when she can’t sleep.
She said to her brother, “When I can’t sleep, I remember some verses from the Bible. I remember that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. … that he can help me do all things, even go to sleep.” Then she shared another verse, “Come to Me and I will give you rest.” She told him that we can ask Jesus for rest and he will give it to us. After that she prayed with her brother for God to give him rest. I was smiling as she looked up at me and said, “Daddy, in about one minute, he was already sleeping.”
Isn’t that sweet? I told my daughter how much I appreciated her and how I see God’s grace working in her. I was thrilled that she tried to understand her little brother’s situation by comparing it to her own and then went right to the Bible for help. It’s cool how God gave her a glimpse of His grace in using her to help her little brother go to sleep.
As I reflected a little more on this moment last night it made me deeply grateful for the gospel. It reminded me that everyday moments are gospel moments — moments where the simple message of Christ can be communicated by an 8 year old sister to a 3 year old brother who can’t get to sleep. Without knowing it, my daughter had lived out 2 Cor. 1:4. In her struggle to go to sleep, she found comfort in Christ’s words and wanted to share that comfort with her little brother. Now I know that not every moment will end like this one did. But either way I’m learning that every moment is a gospel moment. It’s an opportunity for us parents to point our kids to Christ so they can in turn do the same.
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